Speak Threateningly and Carry a Large FWOOM
by Avatar of Fenrir
Summary: Tom finds something in the catacombes while facing the Bane. A certain gem with all the powers of a warlock. Last Apprentice meets Looking For Group. TomxAlice rated M mostly for blood and gore.
1. The Birth of Fwoom

GOTFWC: Yo what up everybody. I am currently on the biggest writers block in the history of writers blocks for my other stories. So while I am thinking up new material for the other I thought I might begin another one thats been in my head since I started reading the Looking for Group comics (hehehe Richard is a fucking BAMF!). This will be a Last Apprentice story that I believe will be better then most of the current ones. (No offence to the other writers they are just a little short for my taste) So hope you guys and girls enjoy this new story.

PS: Looking for a beta reader. If ya want the job Email me.

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Speak with Threats and Carry a Large FWOOM

Chapter One: The Birth of FWOOM!

Tom sighed dejectedly for what seemed the hundreth time. The Spook had just taken Alice into the catacombes to kill the Bane. The young apprentice had never felt so usless. He wished desperatly that he could do something to help but the Spook had just locked the silver gate behind him and had walked away with Alice.

Tom kicked the dirt in frustration.

_Pink_

_'What the?'_

Tom looked to the ground, searching for whatever had made the sound. And then he saw it.

Laying in the dirt, but a few feet away from him, was a diamond shaped red gem. Looking at it Tom could feel power flowing from it. Bending down he carefully picked it up. He instintly regreted it.

Blood red electricity spouted from the gem as soon as it made contact with his hand. Knowledge flooded his mind. Images of fire, ice, and lightning coursed through his conscious. Power exploded through his veins. All the while thoughts of death and destruction filled his body. This last was quickly quelled to avoid slaughtering the innocents in the streets above, but not enough to keep him from feeling the urge to kill everything in his path.

While the mental changes were underway, the physical were just starting. His physique grew more muscular and he steadily grew a few inches taller. His skin grew steadily more tan while his eyes glowed crimson. His cannine teeth grew longer and sharper. His hair turned bleach white and fell down around his face, growing to the point that they passed his eye line. His clothes morphed as well.

His shirt became black and hugged his muscles. His hooded cloak became a black jacket with blood red outlines. His pants darkened to a dark purple and baggier. His black boots grew white armor around them resembling a spiderweb. The armor covered his chest as well before reaching his arms and forming white pauldrons each resembling a rams skull with horns. White gauntlents covered his arms (imagine a white and black version of Nero's devil arm from Devil May Cry 4) while a white, skull mask formed over his face (Ichigo's hollow mask from Bleach). As the last of the armor covered his body, Tom fell to the ground.

Tom lay there for ten minutes, gaining back his breath as his eyes glowed ominously from his mask. He slowly got back up onto his feet. He looked down at his gauntleted hand, clenching it into a fist, feeling the power held there.

He liked it.

Tom turned in the direction of the gate, his glowing red eyes glinting with malice. Slowly raising one hand he pointed it toward the gate. A ball of fire exploded into his hand. He laughed gleefully.

"I shall call you...Fwoom." And with that, the newly dubbed 'Fwoom' smashed into the gate with the force of a wrecking ball, denting the silver inward and blowing the fromer entryway off its hinges to disappear into the dark abyse of the catacombes. Tom laughed maniacally at his show of destruction.

"Tom smash puny gate! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" As Tom's laughter died down he realized he should probably catch up with the old man that was his master. What was once fear of the Bane turned into a morbid picture in his mind of just what the Mona Lisa would look like when it was painted on the wall using the blood of the creature who called this place home.

* * *

The Spook was not having a good day. The Bane had been summoned according to plan but was proving much more difficult to stab then he had first thought. Just when he thought it was all hopeless a huge explosion erupted from the wall next to the evil creature he was just fighting. Both the Bane and the Spook looked over at the resulting dust cloud to see a dark shape walking from it. Just as they both wondered who it was, a dark voice full of pure malice spoke. A voice that the Spook instantly recongnized.

"Rejoice. For bad things are about to happen." The newly clothed Tom spoke while flame flickered in his armored hand.

"Pay no attention to the ball of fiery death in my palm. Its not an aggressive movement. Its just how I say hello." With that Tom sped toward the Bane and slammed said hello into its cannine face. The dog-like creature howled in pain as Tom was already moving toward the beasts jaws. Grabbing each tooth encrusted madible, the boy pulled them apart, ripping the top half of the Bane's head and the entirety of his spine from the creatures body. The resulting death caused an explosion of power to erupt from the former god. As the dust died down, Tom was seen safely behind a wall of solid ice.

The Spook and Alice gasped in amazment and revoltion of how exactly the creature died and how easy Tom had made it seem. Said boy gave a simple wave while his glowing eyes curved in what looked like amusement. Before either old man or girl could pick their jaws off the floor, Tom had already picked up what remained of the Bane's corpse and begane using the blood to draw something on the wall. (I know the Bane didn't have a body left after he was killed but I changed that cuz i wanted to have Tom paint the Mona Lisa on the wall in its blood) Shock turned to confusion as they both looked over the boys shoulder to see a painting of the Mona Lisa drawn their in blood. The Spook recoiled in horror at the barbaric yet beautiful painting while Alice was stuck somewhere between doing the same or rolling on the ground laughing.

Tom looked over his shoulder at the two and suddenly struck a pose in front of his masterpeice.

"Tada!" By now the Spook's eyebrow was twitching while Alice gave up her struggle of what to do and just started laughing. The old man palmed his face at his students new bloodlust.

"Tom what in the hell happened to you lad? And where did you get those clothes?" Tom grinned at the question and struck a thoughtful pose.

"I bought it at the market so that I could make a dashing entrence." The Spook once again palmed his face. It seemed like his student had snapped and gone insane. Then another question popped into his head. How did Tom make a fireball in his hand? Deciding to test a new theory he held out his staff to the bow.

"Lad, take off your glove and grab the staff for a minute please." Tom raised an unseen eyebrow at the demand before simply shrugging and doing as he was asked. As his hand neared the rowan wood the tension in the air seemed to rise. Alice had long since stopped laughing and was watching with growing worry. As soon as Tom's hand touched the wood he started screaming in pain. The Spook paniced and reached for his chain, but before he could he heard laughter. It was coming from Tom, whose hand still clutched the staff.

"Fooled you! Hahahahahaha!" Alice couldn't help but start laughing again as John Gregory again smacked his forehead at his apprentices antics. If this kept up he'd have to see someone about the bruise forming their from the reapeted smacks. At that moment Tom looked over at Alice who had managed to control he laughter again. Suddenly Tom vanished only to reappear right in front of the girl. He reached up to his face and slid the mask to one side of his face showing a single blood red eye and a flirtatious smirk. Alice blushed lightly looking at his new features. He suddenly grabbed her hand.

"Why hello there pretty lady. We meet again, and in such a romantic place too. Say you wouldn't happen to have a boyfriend would you?" Alice blushed an even deeper red at his obvious advances. She found it difficult to answer.

"W-w-why uh n-n-no." Tom's smirk grew even larger at her answer as he slowly leaned forward.

"Well then we will have to fix that wont we." Alice at this point resembled a tomatto as Tom began to lean even closer to her face. She could feel his breath on her lips. Was he going to kiss her? She was begining to dearly hope so. Just as Tom was about to grant her wish he suddenly recoiled after a firm hit to his head from his master. Looking at the offender his eyes began to glow with even more enticity while his eyebrow was twitching so fast it was invisible to the naked eye. The Spook just grinned back.

"No time for that now lad. We should be getting out of this dreary place instead of flirting with pretty girls." The Spook's grin grew as he saw his apprentice trying to hold back from hitting him with his own staff. Tom deflated as he realized his master was right. But that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun anyway. He swiftly turned around to Alice and with a squeak from her he had her in his arms bridal style. The blush was back with a vengence as she glared at him. He just grinned back before following his master back to the former gate.

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GOTFWC: Alright thats the first chapter of my new story. I will try to make the rest longer but I think its going to be a good one either way. So ya I based Tom off of a more flirtatious Richard in this fic. Should be fun. Until next time. Adios!


	2. Witches and Fiends and Fwoom Oh My!

GOTFWC: Alrighty then. Its been a few days since my last chapter and I think it went well. So therefore I have decided to continue this story. Alright so this next installment takes place during the fourth book in the series since I really have no interest in the third book. I may or may not give a flashback to the third book with how I would have written it. But it would be mostly the same only with Tom killing an entire village. If you want to know what that looked like then go to youtube and look up the vid slaughter your world. Its mostly like that just add snow to the ground and change Richards outfit to the one I made for Tom.

Richard: God of the Funky White Chicken does not own Looking for Group or The Last Apprentice. He will however own the souls of all laywers that try to sue him along with their clients. We will then torture said souls with a means most evil.

GOTFWC: Well said Richard. Now. ONTO THE SHOW!

Naruto: Story.

GOTFWC: Where the hell did you come from?

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Speak Threateningly and Carry a Large Fwoom

Chapter Two

Witches and fiends and Fwoom Oh My

"Tom. What are you doing?" Alice asked after seeing Tom bent over the severed tongue of some persecutor that had come to accuse her of being a witch.

"Shhhhhhh. I want to hear if he's going to object." Alice could only smack her forehead at his responce. They had just arrived in Pendle and already Tom had killed someone. The Spook was currently bashing his head against a tree in frustration at his student. He suddenly stopped and turned to the two younger people a few feet from him.

"Tom I think-" He was suddenly cut off as Tom grabbed him by the collar of his cloak.

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

"..."

"..."

"What?"

"Sorry. Got caught up in the moment." Tom released him and backed away. Looking to his side he caught the sight of two people and moved off. The Spook turned to Alice.

"Alright girl. Now that the phycopath of a boyfriend of yours has finished with his daily dose of insanity we should move on." Alice blushed at the thought of Tom being her boyfriend before looking around her.

"Hey. Where is Tom?" The Spook became alarmed.

"I thought he was with you?!"

* * *

"Pendle. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany. We must be cautious-" The old priest was suddenly cut off as he was pushed by a gauntleted hand off the cliff he and his apprentice were standing on. As the now masterless priest in training looked down after his former master he heard a voice behind him.

"You should listen to him. He was a wise man." Turning the boy watched the darkly clothed youth walk away. He suddenly heard the echoing voice of his master to his side. Looking over he saw the old priest's ghost.

"_Don't fret little one. I will always be with you-"_ "**FWOOM!**" The master's ghost was suddenly engulfed in flame as the former voice yet again returned to the sceen.

"Wise and _persistant_! He will be missed."

* * *

"!" We find the Spook currently running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off. Alice was sitting on a rock nearby watching the old man. Suddenly a voice spoke out behind her.

"Whats with him?"

"Oh he's freaking out because we couldn't find you." Alice replied nonchilantly to the figure of Tom standing beside her holding a bucket. The Spook suddenly spun around at the voice and pointed an accusing finger at Tom.

"Where were you!?" Tom blinked slowly at the question.

"I was taking a look around." The Spook sighed in relief before looking down at the bucket in Tom's hands.

"Did you drain that blood to use to capture a witch?" Tom appeared cofused by the request and looked around to see if the Spook was talking to someone else. Looking down at the bucket again he answered.

"Yes."

* * *

We find our heroes sitting inside a house. Tom was currently talking to the priest who owned the house. What dire conversation could they be having? Was it about the dreaded witches of Pendle? Was it about what weapons worked best against the forces of the dark? No! It was about-

"Why are there two cats on fire running around my house?"

"I thought it would combat the recent 'burning rat' problem. You are most welcome." Yes Tom had found two cats on the way to the house and thought it might be funny to light them on fire.

The Spook yet again slapped his forehead. If you were to look closely you could see the red outline of a handprint forming there from the repeated slaps. He sighed as he got up.

"Alright. The Father and I are going out to look for some new leads to dig up on the witches. Alice is currently out doing the same. Why don't you trim the grass in the graveyard?" Tom looked up at his master with an unseen grin.

"Sure. I could do that." After the two had left Tom went out into the yard.

"Hmmm. Everything sure does look peaceful.......................we can fix that." "**FWOOSH!**"

"There. Everything looks much better!"

"Hey you!" Tom looked behind him at a girl standing on the other side of the brick wall surrounding the yard. She looked fairly pretty with pale blond hair and a fairly above avarage face.

"Can I help you?" The girl smiled.

"Hey there. The names Mab. Alice told me to come get you. Says shes found something that she needs your help with." Tom struck a thoughtful pose.

"Even thou this is obviously a trap I feel compelled to follow you." The girl looked confused now.

"Wha-"

"Don't ask." With that Tom hopped over the wall and followed the girl down to a wooded area.

What the two didn't know was that they were being watched from the shadows of a nearby tree. In a flash of black leather and lots of knives the witch asassin followed them. All three of the people not knowing that the priest had just walked back to the house having forgotten something. Looking around at the burnt remains of his yard he fell to his knees and began crying.

* * *

30 minutes later

"Did you hear a weird voice just say '30 minutes later'?" Tom asked the girl beside him. She looked up at him in confusion and shook her head.

"Hmmm. I must be going insane then. Woulda thought?" Mab smacked her forehead at the boys weirdness. She suddenly stopped as she saw a light ahead of them. She grinned and turned to Tom.

"Well welcome to my village Tom." Tom looked ahead of him to see an avarage village with a bunch of bare footed people walking around. He turned back to the girl.

"Why does no one have shoes? Is this a village of hobo's?" Mab smacked her head again and tried to control her anger. Unknown to the two the asassin in the bushes behind them did the same only without the anger. She looked back up at him, her eye twitching.

"No its just how we live." Tom raised an unseen eyebrow, then shrugged and followed her down to the village, the asassin behind them every step of the way.

When they arrived in the village Tom noticed a lot of people were looking at him. He of course took it the wrong way.

"Yes. Gaze at my splendor and be amazed villagers. For I am...TOM, CHIEF WARLOCK OF THE BROTHERS OF DARKNESS, LORD OF THE THIRTEEN HELLS, MASTER OF THE BONES, EMPEROR OF THE BLACK, LORD OF THE UNDEAD, AND THE MAYOR OF A LITTLE VILLAGE UP THE COAST!" Here the warlock pulled out a brochure and handed it to the nearest person. "Very scenic during the Spring, you should visit sometime." The villagers were now very confused while Mab and the asassin shared a facefault.

* * *

Later that night Tom was seen gazing at a small house, when Mab walked up to him.

"What are you doing Tom?"

"Its sounds like some woman is being hurt in there." Mab covered her mouth but was unable to stop the laughter before she walked away. Tom stood there for a minute before yelling into the house.

"Good job man! I'll help you bury the body!" Tom then pulled a golden shovel with a skull at the end of the handle from his robe.

Seeing no one around the asassin walked toward him. She had long, slightly curly, black hair and was wearing a leather suit with straps all around her body holding knives. She sat down beside the shovel weilding warlock.

"You do realize this is a trap for you right Tom?" Said boy simply turned his head toward her.

"Yes I do."

"Then why are you still here?" Tom looked up toward the sky, seeming to contemplate something. Grimalkin waited with baited breath for his answer, knowing that it must be something increadibly deep and noble-

"Boredom mostly." The witch felt the massive sweat drop forming on the back of her head.

"Soooooo. Are you going to get Alice anytime soon?" Grimalkin asked him quietly. Tom gazed over at her, his glowing red eyes gazing at her.

"As soon as I find which building she is in then yes. Then...TOM WILL SMASH PUNY VILLAGE!" The witch asassin felt the sweat drop on her head get even bigger. She shook her head before smiling.

"Well she is in that hut over there." She said as she gestured toward a small hut at the end of the village. Tom gazed over to where she indicated. His eyes curved up in a smile as he began walking over to the door of the hut, Grimalkin following in his wake. Tom glared at the door before holding up his right hand. In a flash of light a ball of fire had appeared. The witch's eyes grew wide at the show of magic. Tom hurled the Fwoosh at the door with all his might, blasting it into ashes. He took two steps into the hut before yelling out.

"LUCY I'M HOOOOME!" Grimalkin palmed her face. Tom decended the steps in the corner of the hut and after a few minutes walked out with Alice held bridal style in his arms. He turned to the asassin.

"Why can't everything be this easy?" Unfortunatly at that moment the two heard a shout of alarm from outside the hut. Looking out they saw one of the male members of the Mouldheel clan running for help after seeing them. Grimalkin glared at Tom.

"What was that you were just saying Tom? Something about this being easy?" Anime tears leaked from Tom's eyes. He turned his head to the sky before screaming out.

"DAMN YOU MURPHY AND YOUR ACCURSED LAWS!"

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GOTFWC: Alright theres the second chapter of my new story. Hope you enjoyed it. I will try to update when again when I can. Adios!


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